I am an idiot.

my plan was foiled yet again, and i don't have the balls to make it work..

My Christmas Celebration

The night before Christmas Eve, I was sitting in my room reading "He's just not that into you" for like the 7th time, when I heard a knock at the door. To my delight it was Chad, Cat, and Cam. So I spent the night watching every disney movie ever made as well as listening to Chad run around the house victoriously with Ash sulking behind him because he beat her, yet again, in another game of Madden. So sleeping arrangements were shifted around a bit, and with my luck I got to sleep on the couch. I slept like a total of 4 hours, and then finally at like 5:30am I gave up on sleep and watched some TV waiting for Cam to get up which he did at like 8:30. So all the family members finally got there at 12 to open presents from the Swanzys and they got to open their presents from us. I enjoyed watching Cam open his presents cause every present he opened he was like lets play with this!! and of course we'd tell him he had many other presents to open so after he was done he could play with them all. So they left a little later in the day and we went to bed. Around 8 the next morning, my sister for some strange reason ran in to wake me up and was like SANTA CAME!! I found it quite comical since we watched my mom put stuff in our stalkings the night before and we are quite too old to believe in Santa but thats a completely different story. So the family members came back over and we finished opening presents. Afterwards we ate lunch and played Cranium for like 4 hours and then Monopoly for another 3 hrs afterwards. This Christmas I enjoyed being with my family. Just spending time with them was the best part of Christmas this year, and I know thats so cliche sometimes. I love my family so much. I have the cutest little nephew ever, he's so smart and funny. And I have the cutest brother and sister ever, they aren't quite as cute, but they are pretty funny. They don't like losing very much, but I suppose I can overlook that flaw. Then there's Cat, the best sister-in-law ever. I love staying up late with her watching scary movies and just talking, and of course shopping at the Dollar Tree where everything is ACTUALLY A DOLLAR!! haha. I love my parents too, who would do anything for any of us. They help me through everything especially with college stuff. There is no doubt that they love me very much. My grandparents and my memaw, who are so sweet and thoughtful. To them I am still their little grand daughter, and I always will be. My aunt, who lets me work for her when I need a job. She is so fun and caring, and she's a great boss! I love them all so very much, and they are so important to me. So anyways, I hope you had as great of a Christmas I did!
a copule new pics.. check them out!

Relationships are over rated.

I was told to update, but really what I want to do is delete this damn thing although I am unable to actually do it cause I am stupid what can I say.
Relationships are so over rated. It is amazing how people can be so dependant on affection and attention that nothing else matters to them except who might be the next someone that they could potentially date. Because of this, they will knowingly put themselves in horrible situations which might give them some kind of false sense of security temporarily, but in the end they end up hurting themselves and just causing more problems. I have come to the conclusion none of that matters until you can trully be comfortable with yourself, alone, "single" if you will. It all stems from insecurity. The point is that you can't ever sincerely be happy with someone else, unless you are happy with yourself. Write that down as Van would say.

Temporary Escape from reality

I love reading books because it is a temporary escape from reality.
I am not going to panic. It's not that big of a deal, I keep repeating over and over. Only time will tell what's going to happen. Why do I have to be so dramatic? I act like its the end of the world.. but it currently is for my way of thinking. We will see if the trap door opens beneath me... just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Everything was so awesome, even going good enough to be perfect.. and then all hell broke loose in my way of thinking... I know to some the situation really would be ridiculous for me to panic over, but it really is a big deal to me. It's important.